Thursday, October 7, 2010

Church of The Flying Basil Fettuccine Monster

Blasphemous? Absolutely.
Delicious? Naturally.
Healthy? Yeah... sure.

And so I began my journey into homemade pasta.

I found a recipe for Basil Fettuccine, which sounded pretty epic since I grow my own basil and it's just been sitting there. So I harvested some good leaves of Italian Basil, Sweet Basil, and Opal Basil, which is the purple.

Here is the proof to my father that not EVERYTHING I touch dies:

The first part was the hardest; processing the basil into tiny bits and combining it with the flour. The reason for this is my good blender still hates me, and now my crappy came-with-the-house-blender is trying it's hardest to earn my love. It fails.

The rest was disturbingly easy, although waiting for the dough to chill and the noodles to dry wasn't exactly non-torture.

Obviously I have no pasta machine (what am I, a fancy person?) but I realized that I had no rolling pin either... So after a few minutes of screaming and panicking, I came up with the brilliant solution to use a can of Pam. I wrapped it in Plastic Wrap though. (I don't know whose been greasing things up with their grimy hands...)

And I began to roll out the dough, which was quite easy, didn't immediately bond to everything it touched, and was just elastic enough to stretch. You guys don't understand why this is such a miracle. Bread products hate me.

I cut the dough into thin little fettuccine-esque strips with a big huge knife and of course realized that in addition to not having a rolling pin, I also have no drying rack. Haha, comedy!

So I stacked a bunch of cups on some tupperware and taped bamboo skewers to them. It looked a lot like this... because this is a picture of it.

Cute isn't it?

I wasn't actually sure how dry it was supposed to get... dry dry, or just, dry-ish? I waited longer than they told me and it wasn't "dry" so I figured dry was when you got tired of being patient.

The only thing I really changed was I used oat flour. And I'm not sure I had quite that much basil. Also I think I put in a tablespoon or so of ground flaxseed. ... Okay so that's kind of a lot.

Next time I think I'll throw in some lemon juice too. Lemon and basil? Can you say "SQUEEEE"?

Here is a link to the recipe:

And so that night I cooked some up and tossed it using a small amount of my "butter with canola oil" and throwing on some Parmesan. I win guys. I win.


  1. I am the first to comment! Ha ha ha! I gain sister's love! Also, noodles are made of bread? I'm weirded out now.

  2. nope. they are made of love.

  3. Gary is right. Love doesn't come easy though. It'll cost ya. Luckily, since you're family and all, I can get you a free supply. :3

  4. I'll give you all the love you want for just 400 bucks hourly. :P

    But seriously, it looks good considering how many things in this post seem to hate you. :D

    Old Pastament
    Suggestion 1:1
    "Thou shalt not have other monsters."

    1. Um, I'm part of the *reform* Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. We're down with polynoodlism.