Thursday, October 7, 2010

Church of The Flying Basil Fettuccine Monster

Blasphemous? Absolutely.
Delicious? Naturally.
Healthy? Yeah... sure.

And so I began my journey into homemade pasta.

I found a recipe for Basil Fettuccine, which sounded pretty epic since I grow my own basil and it's just been sitting there. So I harvested some good leaves of Italian Basil, Sweet Basil, and Opal Basil, which is the purple.

Here is the proof to my father that not EVERYTHING I touch dies:

The first part was the hardest; processing the basil into tiny bits and combining it with the flour. The reason for this is my good blender still hates me, and now my crappy came-with-the-house-blender is trying it's hardest to earn my love. It fails.

The rest was disturbingly easy, although waiting for the dough to chill and the noodles to dry wasn't exactly non-torture.

Obviously I have no pasta machine (what am I, a fancy person?) but I realized that I had no rolling pin either... So after a few minutes of screaming and panicking, I came up with the brilliant solution to use a can of Pam. I wrapped it in Plastic Wrap though. (I don't know whose been greasing things up with their grimy hands...)

And I began to roll out the dough, which was quite easy, didn't immediately bond to everything it touched, and was just elastic enough to stretch. You guys don't understand why this is such a miracle. Bread products hate me.

I cut the dough into thin little fettuccine-esque strips with a big huge knife and of course realized that in addition to not having a rolling pin, I also have no drying rack. Haha, comedy!

So I stacked a bunch of cups on some tupperware and taped bamboo skewers to them. It looked a lot like this... because this is a picture of it.

Cute isn't it?

I wasn't actually sure how dry it was supposed to get... dry dry, or just, dry-ish? I waited longer than they told me and it wasn't "dry" so I figured dry was when you got tired of being patient.

The only thing I really changed was I used oat flour. And I'm not sure I had quite that much basil. Also I think I put in a tablespoon or so of ground flaxseed. ... Okay so that's kind of a lot.

Next time I think I'll throw in some lemon juice too. Lemon and basil? Can you say "SQUEEEE"?

Here is a link to the recipe:

And so that night I cooked some up and tossed it using a small amount of my "butter with canola oil" and throwing on some Parmesan. I win guys. I win.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This Is The First Post of The Best of Your Lives

I said best instead of "rest". Because I make your lives bester.

Dear family,
(and anyone reading this counts as family-- I'm talking to you, Bradley)

Welcome to my blog. Here is where I post some of my beloved memories, adventures, and recipes, which I probably stole from other people because I'm an awful person. (This shouldn't be news.)

Even as I am hundreds-ish of miles away, know that I am neglecting my homework, hygiene, and impending math test just to bring these joys to you.

As Blogmaster, I will dedicate sacred dishes to my loved ones occasionally.
For example, Amy is cute, so I baked her a pony.

I'm looking to make a variety of cuisines, but I do have fixations. One time, I bought these Siamese fighting fish, and I spent like a week making plans for my own fish hatchery. The next week I was back to normal. This is how it works. I am a living sitcom.

I try to healthify a lot of my recipes. I use mostly whole wheat flour and whole oat flour, and I'm in the habit of adding flaxseed to basically everything. Keep in mind I'm not a crazy health-nut deluded person, so if I think it's tasty it probably is okay, and doesn't taste like vegetarian corn dogs.

I'm not big on exactness in my recipes, so ya know. Wing it. It should be fine.
Also, I only have a cameraphone. And not a good one. Hopefully, I should have something vaguely decent by Xmas. Hint hint. Nudge nudge. Wink wink.

(I'm trying to get you guys to buy me crap.)

Anyways, I love you all as much as I am mandated to, and I hope you enjoy this sacrilicious journey with me.


Playing God

Dear family, as I happily sit in the college lounge with a mouthful of Hot Pocket and Dr. Pepper, there is a dark cloud of death hovering above me . (Wow. They should pay me for these product plugs.)

Actually, it's a Lean Pocket and usually it's diet Dr. Pepper mixed with regular. So maybe it's only going to sort of kill me.

Speaking of things that will only sort of kill me, I've discovered a way to make the death cloud move farther away, and the dark forces trying to murder me have become enraged.

In short, this is about a smoothie filled with painfully healthy things that still taste painfully delicious. Guaranteed to make your colon shoot rainbows. Maybe.

Super Smoothie of Super Justice:
It makes 2 servings. 2 Justice-Sized Servings.

.75 ounces spinach, I buy this in leafy-form and then freeze it.
.25 ounces alfalfa sprouts, wash this well so you don't die.
2.5 cups mixed berries, frozen
1/3 cup carrot juice
1/3 cup nectarine, frozen (can substitute with any similar fruit)
1 banana, frozen
6 medium strawberries, frozen
2 cups tea or water (I use decaf unsweetened green tea)
1/4 cup nonfat Greek yogurt
2 tablespoons pumpkin puree
1 tablespoon ground Flaxseed (optional)
1 oz acai juice (also optional, but it is tasty...)

Don't do this all at once, unless you have a blender powered by the powers of hell. And I happen to know that you do not. As a rule of thumb I blend leafy things and then things with skin first, using a little bit of the liquids at a time. Add more water if it's too thick. The universe will not explode.

Do taste this before serving, if by chance it isn't quite right play around with it. Adding berries and banana is generally a good way to go. Come on people, this is an art, not a science!

I've included nutrition facts. I am so sweet!
Take note though, the acai juice (which y'all probably didn't use anyways) is not included.

Nutrition Facts:
Total Fat 2.5g
Saturated Fat 0.6g
Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 1%
Sodium 2%
Total Carbohydrates 16%
Dietary Fiber 44%
Sugars 28.2g
Protein 4.2g

Vitamin A 132% Vitamin C 130%
Calcium 12% Iron 12%
Nutrition Grade A
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet